Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Mystery Letter

Lisa has just changed Bea when I enter the bedroom. My mother sits alert, enjoying the attention.

“Guess what!” I say. “I found an incredible letter you wrote someone. Do you mind if I read it out loud?”

Bea folds her hands to indicate I should proceed, so I do:

"I was happy to feel your presence at Ted’s Thursday night though the party didn’t interest me very much."

I look down, to see if Bea remembers. She has closed her eyes.

"Life is so beautiful and deep; we must not cloud it with confused points of view and confused bits of conversation. We may speak to our friends of each other, yet our only clear understanding is between ourselves.

I tried to tell Polly something of what we had said to each other Wednesday night but, to my joy, I could not convey it to her, nor to any other person. Only to you I could say something of the effect of that conversation on me by telling you that when I left that evening I had a warmer feeling in my heart for people.

I am very proud of you that you have the will power you have. Do not think of me as one you should or should not propose marriage to. You do not understand me if you think of that. If I marry someone else, it will be because I love him more, because with him I sense life more deeply. And, if you prefer someone else to me, it will be for the same reason. Marriage won’t make such difference. Real love is a thing of the spirit. And I cannot marry anyone with whom my spirit is not in harmony.

The important thing is that our lives must be finer, for having known each other’s spirits.

If I am to be anything to you, I am to be in a way a part of your music.

Neither of us, apart or in relation to each other, should be thinking of marriage as an immediate possibility. We are not ready. My spirit is not ready. Only in my emotions am I ready, but in them I would betray the most essential part of me, the spirit. And that spirit is not ready. It has to be more in harmony with the universe, healthier than it has been. It must subdue my emotions. They have not been in their proper relation as an expression of my spirit.

We must have faith in our religious convictions and live nearer to God. In that way only shall we have vision.

Then, as Time goes on, if we find we are more kin to each other than to any one else, then, we shall know we want to spend life together.

Life is simple and deep. Life is a hymn of praise, “Inasmuch as without Thee we are not able to please Thee” mercifully give us to know Thy spirit more and more each day."

“Wow!” exclaims Lisa.

“Who did you write that for?” I ask. “Bill Whitney?”

“I don’t remember,” Bea murmurs. “Perhaps myself?”

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